Mar 02, 2003 - Minstrel music, helper monkeys, and bush??

Spitfire


Guess I'm long due for an update here - although you have to admit I really had the ball rolling there for a couple weeks. Ahhh, good times. Now I suppose it's time for me to make excuses as to where I've been - but I really can't think of anything. Oh I know - I finally broke down and bought myself a new computer - which means my trusty BP6 has finally been retired after giving me a good 4 years of service.

Well, first off lets get this show started with the second installment of 'Ukranian StarTrek' by soul_d...check it out in the comic section. I'm running low on comics people, so please fire up those creative, juicy braincells and scribble out some 'art' for me. COME ON!!!


More Bush Pics: [1] [2]
I should mention that I just got home from attending my first ever night of Telemiracle. That's right, I actually went and watched the show live for a couple hours and got to scream "RING THOSE PHONES" at the top of my lungs while stuffing my face with french fries and drinking mountian dew. Earlier in the evening I attended part of the Saskatoon Winter Meltdown Blues Festival and got to see the Dave Clark band featuring Amos Garrett on guitar. What a great (and unique) blues guitarist, and Dave Clark has got to be the best tenor saxaphone player I've ever seen live. What really impressed me is how the show was a 100% non-smoking event. You have to understand - this is a blues festival here, everyone smokes. Needless to say they still packed the place and had to turn people away at the door - so there goes the theory of losing business by going non-smoking!

Now lets take a breif moment away from all this serious talk, and focus on funner things - like tattoo'd dinks and bad team photos. Why stop there? How about some boobs - or maybe just some damn poor road planning. Can you tell I'm trying to offload some content here?

I have become temporarily fascinated by a band called Blackmore's Night. Remember Richie Blackmore? Well, even if you don't you should at least remember Deep Purple, for whom he played lead guitar. If you don't remember Deep Purple, who should at least remember their biggest hit "Smoke on the Water". ANYHOW, Richie Blackmore is one hell of a guitarist - very underrated in my opinion...but what I didn't know about him is that he has since created a new band, along with his wife Candice Night. The music? Some sort of mix between contemporary rock and mideivel bard songs. Have a listen yourself, it's really quite interesting stuff. DO IT!!

And since I haven't had a video on here for quite awhile - please take some time and download this car dealership commercial. It's 3 megs, but well worth it because it involves cars and helper monkeys. Best of all, it's funner than any game that soul_d might trick you into playing.

What else happened this weekend - oh yes, I attended _SPACE_'s housewarming party (she figured I'd forget!) on Friday and had a really good time. What a neat house too, I'm really impressed - not to mention the great job they did refinishing the original hardwood floors! Good job guys - makes me think about renovating my place...heh...hmmm....well, maybe not. That sounds/looks like a lot more work than I'm willing to commit!

And on that note, I'm off to bed. I advise you do the same (and I don't care what time it is when you read this). Keep it real, peace and all that jazz.

Feb 24, 2003 - Sit down for a bit and learn about the important issues with YC

YC


Well, as many of us are anticipating the arrival of summer, winter tightens it's firm grip on our lives. This morning I left for work and stepped out into a paltry -48 degrees celsius (with windchill). Spitfire will be quick to point out that I only actually had to endure this temperature for the 10 meter walk to my garage seeing as I park underground at work, and in rebuttle I simply say "HA, suckers"! Well, I am still optimistic and believe that by early april we will be enjoying some warmer days, so another month of this is all we should have to worry about.

The weekend party was quite enjoyable, JB and larmal made their appearances and both left their mark in one form or another. Larmal decided to leave his by dumping a bowl full of mystery goo on the living room floor, and it had nothing to do with the fact that spitfire had him pinned down on the couch holding the bowl over him and smearing it on his head while yelling "CALL ME A TROOPA"!!! No, nothing to do with that at all. JB left his by stabbing spitfire with my bottle opener shortly before leaving. I wouldn't have found this out except that I was looking for my keys in the morning which are attached to the bottle opener, and upon calling spitfire he realized "oh THAT is what's stuck in my ribs". All in all there was a lot of beer drank, a LOT of gin chugged, mostly by spitfire, and a lot of mess to clean up in the morning.

Now on to a more pointless topic, which none the less I am very stubborn about and refuse to back down on to anybody! There is a right way to do it, and a wrong way to do it. It seems that a lot of people do it wrong, and it's quite disturbing. There are only 2 ways, my way and the wrong way! I am of course talking about........the orientation of which you place your TP on the roller, what more important issue is there than this! The two options are to have it roll off the back (closer to the wall), or off the front (closer to you and the toilet). The proper orientation is obviously to have it closer to you and the toilet, so rolling off the front. There are many reasons that this way is the best so I will cover a few of them for you.


  • First of all the TP has a much lower chance of piling up when rolling off the front, so your maximum rate of unrolling is much higher from the front.

  • Secondly, when you are drunk and having trouble staying on the shitter let alone unrolling yourself some TP, it is a lot easier to simply hang your arm out above where you think the TP is and let it drop, if by some miracle you lined it up above the TP, then you will swat it on the way down and voila, you have some TP out. If you rolled it off the back of the roll, well you might as well just grab one of the magazines beside you and use that.

  • When you are having trouble finding the end of the roll so it will start unrolling it's way easier to see it when it's facing YOU as opposed to facing the wall.

  • The smaller the roll gets, the harder it is to roll facing the back, but it remains just as easy to roll off the front

    Ok that should be enough reasons for any reasonable person. If it wasn't, well then you can just continue on living life as you have been, full well knowing that you are breaking the 11th commandment, thou shalt not roll their TP from the back!

    Ok on to more serious topics, many of you may be concerned about the americans and all the stuff that's been going on down there. Well don't worry because www.whitehose.org is here to the rescue to explain everything from the vice presidents wife to the new patriotism programs they have initiated to boost military enrollment and get women to stay home and have babies! I mean really, who can argue with this? They are also always on the ball to deliver the latest news like when somebody new moves to town. Also don't forget how much they are thinking about your individual safety. They don't want anything bad to happen to anybody, so make sure to take part in their programs, because they are for your own benefit! Enough of this though, I will leave you to paruse the rest of the information for yourself.

    Well now, I couldn't leave you without a little eye candy to go home with. If any of you watched the tv show "Highschool Reunion" then you undoubtedly noticed Holly, the shy girl who came out of her shell after school and decided to pose for playboy, and so, I give you her playboy photoshoot.
    Pic: 1 2 3 4 5


    Well that is all for now! Tune in next time for Folding VS Bunching!

  • Feb 19, 2003 - Just a quick, yet important, update...

    Spitfire


    This just in (from theOnion.com):

    Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever

    ROCHESTER, MN -- Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. "My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." In 1997, Gruber, a Mayo Clinic cardiologist, was awarded nine Nobel Prizes in Medicine for discovering that frequent oral sex with models cures cancer.

    Feb 18, 2003 - I am not young enough to know everything...

    Spitfire


    Well, now that the most expensive time of year for me is over (Girlfriend's birthday/xmas/new years/valentines day/aniversery), I am ready to save up some cash. And when I say 'save up' I mean 'pay off' and when I say 'cash' I mean 'loan sharks'. Fat Tony done gonna have my legs broke!

    Before I forget - I really wanted to post this picture of the sunset as viewed from an orbiting satelite. Really neat to look at - notice how bright the Sahara desert looks even at night!

    soul_d responded to my Valentine's update (regarding the fact that Valentine's day is the only day of the year that you can't get pregnant - due to the alignment of the planets) with the following:

    "The exact details are much more complicated, but that is actually more or less the way it works."
    So there you have it folks. And don't forget to check out Hellsh0k's awesome book review on Demoni.ca today. Please take into account that his review is entirely satirical - I can say that this book was one of my all-time favorite's, perhaps second only to Incognito Mosquito.

    Sorry for the quick update, I'll have more to post soon. My comic supply has also dried up, so draw me some more! Yes, this means you mrp! I'll leave you today with the winner of the Miss San Francisco pagent (2000)...


    Beautiful!!

    Feb 14, 2003 - Valentine's Day!

    Spitfire


    It's Valentine's Day!

    Possibly the most over-commercialized day of the year, aside from Christmas and possibly mother's day. And no doubt one of the most profitable. And why not? As YC so graciously puts it: "Valentine's day is the one day of the year when non-single people are guaranteed to get some". I think this should hold special significance to any of you married guys out there! And for those of you single guys/gals out there, what a great excuse to get together with somebody you barely know and fuck like rabbits.
    After all, Valentine's day IS the only day of the year that you can't get pregnant. Blue4130 or soul_d might correct me on this, but I think it has something to do with the sun and the alignment of the planets. Either way, it's a proven fact - take my word for it. You'll be glad you did.

    So, in appreciation of this blown-up love holliday, I offer to you these fabulous valentine's cards (look to your right). If you are the kind of person that hates everything (especially Valentine's Day), then perhaps you'd like to print these out and send them to some of your friends/enemies.

    Also notice the Valentine's day webcam picture and the Valentine's day comic.

    Heil the big asses!!


    V Day Cards!: 1 2 3 4 5 6

    I suppose I should supply some sort of 'original' content at least once this year, so what better time than now? I think that I'll write a valentine's poem to all of my dedicated readers (that's you!). So please read carefully, your tax dollars are paying for me to write this poem for you:

    An RBlords Valentine

    Lovers rushing here and there, to find that special prize.
    Awash in a sea of chocolates, and Lingerie of every size.
    There's no better way to show your love (and fit it in your cart),
    than to buy that pile of roses, and ten million candy hearts.

    And love, they say, will conquer all - compassion oft endears,
    despite the trials and heartaches of the past (how many?) years.
    Imagine all the things you share, don't worry what you lack,
    besides, this day you're guaranteed to get some in the sack.

    Now if you want to know what caused the writing of this rhyme,
    I admit it's rather simple - two parts vodka, one part lime.
    I'm waiting...hope she'll get here soon (as I'm filling up my cup),
    another 2 or 3 of these and I won't be able to get it up!

    Thank you everyone, and good night!!

    Feb 12, 2003 - I'm losing momentum on these updates...

    Spitfire


    Oops! I posted yesterday's update without uploading all of the content, so if you noticed that some of the links weren't working, go back and try them now and I think that you will be pleasantly surprised.

    If you've got some time to spare, swing by Demoni.ca to see soul_d's anual year-in-review update. We scored a whooping -1.5 with mad props to our new comics - but negative props to our lack of a link to Soul_D Online. Oh well, guess you can't win them all.

    I didn't really have that much to say today - other than that there is a new comic today by none other than Dog Pound. This has exhausted my comic supply, so if you guys don't start sending in some more I'll be forced to draw them myself!!

    Feb 11, 2003 - Phun with VPNs - is that an oxymoron?

    Spitfire


    Well, the RBlords network is now officially connected to the Powersource network once again via VPN. What does this mean for you guys? Absolutely nothing. Why am I even mentioning it then? I guess because I'm a sad and lonely man with nothing better to talk about and hoped that some fellow geek would find it interesting. What, you don't? Bah!!

    Oh well - I'm sure the only reason my readers even visit this site is because of the pictures of strippers and bikini powerpoint presentations. Well,in the interest of science I will give you something to think about today.


    Invisible Coat?!?
    Now tell me honestly - how many of you have toyed with the idea of creating an invisible coat? With countless theories abound which include special diamond coated sheets which refract light *around* your own body, no scientist will tell you that the ability to wear an invisibility coat is entirely impossible - but the manufacturing of such a device is still, perhaps, a long way off.

    Well - professor Susumu Tachi of Toyko is at least trying (see picture on the left). Although his invention is a bit impracticle for mobile use, you have to admit the idea is appealing. Especially when they mention the uses this technique might have in medical practices. Click on the picture on the left to read the full article, where you can also view a video of the device in use (click on the smaller photo on the left of the article).

    Now that you've had a chance to get your brain thinking, take a stab at understanding _SPACE_'s new comic for rblords. It should be noted that I hounded her until she eventually submitted, and I don't think that she was very happy about the whole ordeal. I believe that the aristry put into the comic reveals the anger that she was feeling for me at that moment in time. Beautiful stuff.

    Valentine's day is coming up, you can expect an RBlords exclusive report to celebrate it. At least I think you can - if I don't forget. That's all for now!

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