|Sep 03, 2001|
If you're going to save the day, and you're hearing what I say, I fear
your touch and kiss is not enough. And if you believe in me, don't think
my heart's for free, I won't take nothing less than I give for love. Let
me tell you, you, you know I need a miracle, I need a miracle. It's not
physical, what I need to get me through.
Tell me that you understand, and you'll take me as I am. You'll
always be the one to give me everything. Just when I though no one
cared, you're the answer to my prayers. You lift my spirits high,
come one and rescue me. Let me tell you, You, you know I need a
miracle, I need a miracle...
It has been a long time coming. But I have brought to you an
update. This update lacks the finesse of my previous work, but it cannot
be helped. I am working under deplorable conditions. Due to my recent
problems with the Sisters of Mercy machine's power supply failing, I am
forced to correspond via Nicotrel. Nicotrel is like Alacatraz in a lot of
ways, largely due to the hard consonants in the middle of the
word. Enough about the electrical perils I have been facing, I have
volumes of much more important matters to relate.
...the simple kinda life never did me no harm...
Step back to the beginning of August. I commence my two week, plus one
day, leave of absence from my workplace. It felt good to leave behind the
high decibel levels of the press-room for the higher decibel levels that
spring forth from my Camaro's Mills-spec Stereo system. At first, my
retreat left me feeling disappointed due to the Leoville Rodeo trip being
canceled, due to YC's illness, and other complications. I did not hold
it against YC, and made the best of the time available. Simply put, I
engaged in nothing. I relaxed, and unwound. During this time, The
Humphries Mafia presented me with the gift of a 15 man bench seat for my
back yard. I thank them to this day. I enjoyed the first phase of my
vacation. However, the time to travel to Goodspirit lake was fast
...look at the stars, look how they shine for you...
Thursday morning I packed my 74 Camaro with my supplies, as well as my
sister and we traveled the three hour trek east on Highway 5, finally
arriving in Canora, Saskatchewan at about three in the afternoon. I was
very pleased that my Camaro made the journey on twenty dollars of
gasoline, after all, it does have a boss 350 under the hood. It was a
very undemanding experience at the lake. I visited with my relatives, and
enjoyed the slow time. I spent a fair amount of my days getting better
acquainted with my car. I cleaned it, and washed it. I spent time
polishing and de-greasing. I bought Scooby-Doo shoulder protectors. I
bought a stock air cleaner housing for it and painted it "raver
orange." I also ran some shiny silver ducting from the snorkel to the
grill so that my Camaro could taste some cold air. I even changed my
spark plugs. I visited with my Godfather, which was swell. I got to see
Bobbi-Jo, my Godfathers daughter, whom I hadn't seen for a great number of
years. It was really nice to see her and her children. She has a
wonderful, one year old, baby girl named Julia who insisted wearing my
Bronco's hat backwards, just like I do. I can tell that she will be a very
cool girl. There was a massive feast at Wong's Cafe on Saturday, and on
Sunday, Chest (Clayton Busby) and Dawn came and visited me for the
day. We had quite the adventure launching Chest's boat at George's
Beach. It cost him Two Dollars to use George's Boat Launch. Due to the
shallow water that this years lack of precipitation has yielded, Chest had
to navigate a very difficult channel, with only the instructions George
gave him to help: "Up, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, Boat
Start." Other than the brief visit from Chest, I spent most of my time on
my own. Each night I would wander down to the beach and watch the meteor
shower. The sky was absolutely transcendent. I could see tens of
thousands of stars. The milky way was visible. And the shooting stars
were magnificent. I made many wishes that perhaps I shouldn't have. No
matter, wishing never does any good. But I still enjoyed the
spectacle. I find that I spend a lot of time by myself in places like
that. I need the time to think, to search for answers to questions that I
cannot ask anyone else. Sometimes I reach a moment of clarity, and I
become enlightened to some fact that I wish to understand. I usually do
not like the answers that come to me, and quite often am left wondering
how it is that I could suddenly know what is going on, but I never
question such revelations, for they are never wrong.
I had previously decided to leave Tuesday morning, but
my plans when I found out that Dog Pound would not be joining me, due to a
work related conflict of interest. It was, perhaps, a good decision.
...where do we go now? where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do
we go now? Where do we go now...
Tuesday night I was standing on the beach, as I had done every night
before. I was smoking a cigarette, and staring at the stars. I was
reflecting upon the summer, and all that it had wrought. The main topic
spinning in my mind was, of course, girls. I was feeling especially
lonely that night, and was rememering all the fun that I had at Emerald
Lake in June. I was wondering how many years would pass before I would
meet someone interesting again. This time, there was no preminition
imposed on me. But soon I would learn the answer was about ten
minutes. I went for a walk up the road and was soon invited to a small
party. I met some interesting people there. One was a special girl named
Tiffany. It is not every day that someone meets a pretty girl who
apprecitates GNR, Camaros, and Rye Whiskey. Although it is doubtful that
I will see her anytime soon, if ever, I will never forget her. The next
morning I stowed my gear and headed home.
...fuckin' up my whole life. So I'm on my way, I leave today, if I
get away, then it will be OK...
I would like to, at this time, inject a small story into this August
Epic. I promised Chest a while back that I would talk about football for
a while. So I shall.
They say football is a game of inches. And truly, it can be. Two teams
train hard everyday, and work to exhaustion, sometimes ending careers, for
a few inches. Perhaps the worst thing that I have ever seen in football
is when one team runs the clock out. Think about this: Two teams, we
will call them the Spartans and the Titans, are playing a game. Going
into the game, the Spartans knew that the Titans were a superior
team, but they trained hard, knowing upsets can happen. Their coach told
them they have to want it. That they have to want it more than the other
team. Flash forward. There is a minute and a half left in the Fourth
Quarter, and the Titans have possession. The Spartans played the best
game they have ever played in the history of the franchise, but are still
down by 21 points. Neither team has any time outs remaining. The
Spartans know that they are going to loose. They not only have to regain
possession, but score three touchdowns in a minute and a half. That means
getting the ball, and executing two onside kicks, with no room for
error. Nearly impossible. What makes this feat more impossible is that
the linemen have to reach the Titan's QB before he can ground the
ball. Every player lines up on the scrimmage line and sets up for the
impending rush. Some players are simply going through the motions,
knowing that it is only a matter of time before the end of the game, while
others still want it. The center snaps the ball to the QB and the
Spartans surge forward. Every muscle straining as hard as it ever
has. The heart pumping, the mind willing, and every second of a lifetime
of conditioning and training is channelled into one instance, but before
one foot is in front
of the other, the QB has grounded the ball. Now they have to stand around
while the Titans run down the play clock. Second down and everything
repeats. Some players keep telling themselves that they can get to the
ball in time. But they do not. And soon enough, the game is over. There
is no climatic final play. There are no heros. Only a team that was
outgunned to begin with, left to hopelessly watch as the final thirty
seconds roll off the clock, while the Titans organization wanders the
field, congratulating each other on a victory they knew they had to begin
with. In that time, it sure sucks to be a Spartan. That is pretty much
all that I want to say about football right now.
In the still of the night, I hear the wolf howl honey...
And then Jet D stepped forth and said: "Let there be Tub 2001."
I think that this years annual hot tub extravaganza was the largest in
history. I have to say that I found this to be the most stressful party I
have ever thrown. Not that I am complaining, for the annual hot tub party
is a labour of love, but it was very hard to deal with the estimated
combined head count of 200 people from the four nights. For those who are
gawking, I have counted each person once for each night they
attended. And then there were the gate crashers that needed evicting
friday night. Special thanks to the Holowaty's, specifically Tyler's
Cousin's friend, for sending all of Rylie's to my yard. Thursday night
was an intersting start up to the party, with Chest Busby's naked ass
invading my house. Not to mention naked Dog Pound and naked Crystal
Bideaux. Besides the gate crashers, Friday was a pretty good night. I
met an amazing girl who I hope that I will see again, but every day doubt
it more. I doubt I will forget her anytime soon, though. Saturday night
was less chaotic than Friday, no gate crashers, only police. The cops
to my yard, shone their spot light right on Chest's naked... chest, and
promptly left with little said. Key moment: remembing to take Dawn's
off of my head before speaking with the police. Special thanks to the
bringing four 14 year old girls to my house at 4:30 in the morning. When
Sunday night arrived, I breathed a sigh of relief. At every year's hot
Sunday is my night to relax. It is a much quieter party, with only a few
close friends. We listened to music and drank very lightly. Special
thanks to the Holowaty's for bringing a drunk 17 year old girl that they
found and drugged up with mushrooms. Actually, she was very
nice, and, to tell the truth, I felt a little sorry for her, on account of
how hard the
younger Holowaty's were hitting on her. She didn't seem too interested,
but was no doubt thinking, "I'm drunk, I'm stoned, and these guys are my
ride home." She did all right.
...I can feel it, coming in the air tonight, oh no...
And so I found myself with my holidays drawing to an end. I spent Monday
cleaning the yard and preparing the tub for pick up. I couldn't help but
take some solace in the knowledge that I could finally rest. The whole
summer had been very enjoyable, and very busy, but I was lacking my inner
peace. Tuesday night I regained my inner strength and confidence when I
succesfully tested for the rank of 5th gup. I spent the rest of the week
in quiet meditation.
Motorin' What's your price for flight? In finding Mister
Right? You'll be all right tonight.
The following Friday, a special trek was made to Joe's Cabins, situated on
notorious Candle Lake. With every visit, Candle Lake has tried to claim a
victim from our fold. Some may remember when the tree fell on Dog Pound,
as well, there was the year when Chest almost drowned pursuing his
dingy. This year was no exception to the rule, as there was another near
loss. Friday morning, a jovial bunch of us were traveling
north. Chest, Dawn,
myself, Dog Pound, and most noteworthy, Erin Winkler, made the journey in
the trusty 65 Bel Air. YC and Vance arrived much later in the Supra. YC
learned that day that it is not as easy to find Candle Lake as he may have
thought. Of course, all of us were excited that Erin joined us. She made
the commute from Cow Town especially to join us that weekend. Thank you,
Erin. When we arrived, we discovered, much to our delight, that we were
staying in a gigantic barn like structure with two floors, and a balcony
with an excellent view of the lake. There was much insane boating on the
rough waters. Erin proved that she can handle a sea bisquit like
nobody's business. But, if you think that is impressive, you should see
her with Limp Bizkit. Saturday, we almost lost the Bel Air to the lake
when the parking pin gave out, causing the car to roll into the lake, deep
enough to fill the back seat and trunk with water. YC bravely saved the
classic machine. We had fun singing Kareoke and playing with
fireworks. Everyone eventually ended up in bed with Dawn. I served a
glorious Ukrainian lunch, and we played great Ukrainian card
games. In conclusion, we all had a great time almost burning Joe's Cabins
And that brings this update nearly to an end. I have only a few more
things I wish to mention at this time.
Jet D's Top Six Songs of Summer 2001:
- Hanging By A Moment - Life House. Desperate for changing,
searching for truth, I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after
you. I'm falling even more in love with you...
- Red Neck Girl - Bellamy Brothers. ...and I pray that someday I
might find me a red neck girl...
- Put it On Me - Ja Rule. Where would I be with out you? I only
think about you. I know you're tired of being lonely, so baby girl put it
- Angel - Shaggy. ...despite of my behavior, you are my
savior. You must be sent from up above. And you appear to me so tender,
well I surrender. Said thanks for giving me your love.
- I Don't Believe in You - Joee. ...took in your lies for a while,
now I see through you. I still have my pride and it keeps me alive. See,
I don't believe you. No, I don't believe in you. How can I trust
you? So now what you gonna do? Because it's always about you...
- Boiler - Limp Bizkit. ...sometimes, somethings turn into dumb
things, and that's when you put your foot down...
And because I like to keep my promises:
Heather is a really great girl.
Sweeter than an ice cream swirl.
I wish she would stop trying to grab my ass. Not that there's anything
wrong with that, but she's barking up the wrong tree.
If you can name the title and artist for each lyrical excerpt that I have
subdivided this update with, you will win something of Dog Pound's.
...ps: if this is Austin, I still love you.
|Aug 22, 2001|
Uhhhhhhhhhhgh...pardon me, still recovering from soul_d's monster hot tub party this past weekend. 4 straight
nights of pure hottub madness....I think on Friday night I spent a record 8 1/2 hours in the tub...now I wonder why I'm sick (as a side note, Dog Pound seems
to also be equally sick). I think I'll leave the weekend rundown to soul_d...but I have to admit, DP put it
best when he described the weekend as "A whole lotta drinkin', and a whole lotta shrinkin'!". Amen to that, brother!
Last update I posted the Playboy photoshoot with "Jerry" from survivor, but this update I'm going to try and
target a different group of readers...so I have put together the following set of pictures entitled "Farm Accidents". Please don't view this series if you have
a week stomach!|
Oh, and while I still remember, a number of people pointed out a type in my last update....the Shaft quote that I royally screwed up..."He's kicking up the mother company like a black tornado" SHOULD read "He's
kicking up the mother COUNTRY like a black tornado"...oh well, too late to make that sound good :).
This weekend I'll be heading up to a cabin at Candle Lake this weekend...the gang will, for the most part, be up there as well...minus our
good friend Audiophile who is away at the moment, scoring a very large drug deal with some overseas clients out west.
Oh yeah, I also ordered a new TV...one that doesn't sqeal all the time and turn off repeatedly, so I'll be enjoying that lots this weekend....its a 43" Hitachi Widescreen HDTV...not too big, not too small...in this little house of mine it should be
just right...and just enough to keep me making payments all winter (which is coming sooner than later). On the side, I have also been going full throttle the last couple days painting my house, which has to get done before the summer does, and I just realized that
I'm running out of time....its getting damn dark at 8:00 at night already! Sheeshh...where did the summer go?
That said, I'm off to bed. I think the only way I'm going to properly recover from this weekend of intense partying is either a whoooooole lotta pornography, or a whoooooole lotta sleep...and seeing as how I'm too tired to look for porno right now, that leaves
me only one choice...either way, if I don't update ever again you can assume that I'm probably dead, tied to a rock at the bottem of Candle Lake. Cheers!
P.S. Whitesnake Rules!!!!!
|Aug 16, 2001|
Alright, I'm back as promised (wow)...and I have some actual content....but first I must bore you with my day...
Today I watched my new Shaft DvD. Not the new shaft, the original Shaft....if you haven't already seen it, I advise that you go out and
buy this DvD right now...especially since it contains original theatrical trailers for all three Shaft movies. Thats right! "Shaft's Big Score" and
"Shaft in Africa" as well! "Now he's kickin' up the mother company like a black tornado". Watching these movies makes me realize the
daily racism and flack that Razor has to deal with everyday on the force...
So I'm back with my surprise - just look to the right. Yes, its the Playboy photo shoot with Survivor member Jerri. This just goes
to show that I will do anything to please my readers...whether it be humping cows, or just
good ol' family entertainment...get it here first folks!|
However, despite all of this joy I must interrupt to mention that Unit3 just left my house, not before spending about 10 minutes
in my bathroom and then running out the door. He said he was going to send me a report on the condition of my washroom but I'm here right now to bask in the wonderment. Note
for future reference: I am going to be placing a weigh scale outside my washroom, and will charge for any weight loss over the time you have been in my washroom.
Oh yeah, and soul_d had some hanky panky with some kid this past weekend and is currently running from the feds. He was last
heard screaming "I swear I didn't know she was 13!". At least it was a 'she' this time!
Hmmmm...I still don't have any vacation photos to put up yet...not that they are that interesting anyways. One semi-interesting fact: I lost my 130 day uptime on oden this past weekend when
my dad shut the machine off (yeah, it still resides at my parents place) to apparently 'save power' while he was gone. I have to get that machine moved over here soon...and when I do, the site may
be down for a couple days....not like anyone would notice anyways, hey?
Oh yeah, I should direct your attention to the Discussion Board as YC is currently stirring up some
more arguements....either way, its nice to see some activity around here.
The Tokyo Waterpark, where the slogan reads:
"Welcome to breathtaking Tokyo Water Park where you can wash away
the pressure and stress of the
overcrowded city and relax with your friends in the soothing enjoyment of sun, fun and splashing."
Well thats enough content for now!
Where am I going?
To get laid! Where you goin?
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA (Shaft Moment)
|Aug 15, 2001|
Just to let everyone know....I'm still around...just sitting around and spanking my monkey mostly. Got back from my vacation on Friday fresh and ready to get back to work (yeah, right)
and I have to say - I feel well rested. I'm living proof, as normally I can't keep my eyes awake for more than 2 hours on the highway and I managed a near 7 hour drive home from B.C. on Friday without even blinking....although now I've fallen back into my work schedule so
its all starting to fall back in place again...
You guys miss me? I'll be back ... you can count on that. Nice to see Audiophile was putting up some eye candy for y'all to see...and I would like to continue the trend. Tune in tomorrow for some sweet action, I promise!
|Aug 09, 2001|
Hello everyone, and welcome to another Rblords update care of yours truly, Audiophile.
It seems as if the nice weather has been keeping everyone away from their computers and out watching women buy groceries in IGA with their bikini's on. It was so hot out yesterday that the transient Indians of 22nd street got their fifteen minutes of fame when the Star Phoenix put them on the front cover of the paper after holding a rain dance outside the Albany. When Star Phoenix reporter asked why the rain dance took place, Denton Prickleybush replied "Cuz the fucking sidewalk is burning my feet, and I don't have any shoes".
Hmmm bear with me, the evidently nude pictures above are supposed to be pictures of girls in bikini's to go along with my previous comment about bikini's but they don't seem to be displaying properly. I'm working on it!
In other news, YC gets a very very young pussy to have around the house keeping him busy after those long days at work. It's very hairy and cute, and smells good so YC does not have allergies yet, lets keep our fingers crossed. The picture above is an actual picture, notice YC is black, he has been outside all weekend!
I would like to talk a little bit about car stereos today. As you will see from the picture above, this goes against..... ARGH...another nude picture!! Ok as you will see from the picture BELOW this stereo goes against everything I believe in. As a general rule I never considered sitting in front of a bass vent a good idea, nor do I believe that it would raise the sound quality of your stereo. Call me crazy but I thought this was common sense. Another thing, do you notice hanging on the seats are ear protectors, maybe I'm just out to lunch but does this not contradict the whole point of porting bass directly into your ears. If you are a mungoloid and like nearly putting your head into your speaker enclosure why would you wear ear protection? I never imagined such a stereo would exist, and I certainly didn't think it would be desirable. It's ideas like this that keep company's like Bose and Kicker in business.
On another note, Connor Prediger, a friend of the Rblords staff residing in London (not Ontario) has made another exciting announcement. Connor was scheduled to make another stop in Saskatoon around Christmas time, but yesterday she announced that whe will be moving back to Saskatoon to stay. Her husband was caught selling a over a ton of herion last Friday and has been sentenced to 6 life terms in prison and "no chance in bloody hell" of paroll. Connor is still scheduled to be coming back at Christmas, and rumors are that she will be looking for a new husband under the tree.
Spitfire and his girlfriend Dawn have headed off into the wild yonder to explore the land of our neighbours to the south. That's right they are touring the United States with the Super Supra with just over a week's holidays. Spitfire reports he has already received a body cavity search in three states probably due to his suspicious character. After hearing this I set-up an interview with one of the State troopers that initiated the cavity search and asked him why he would search Spitfire in such a way, his response was "The bastard was really asking for it". I then asked him "What did Spitfire do that required a cavity search", he replied "Nothing, I told you he asked me if I could search him from b'hind, so I did!"
This just in from the Rblords newscenter, Dallas is reported to be inviting all that know him by name or face to Canora this Saturday where his parents will be whooping it up to the whee hours of the morning in celebration of their day of marriage. Dallas and his parents kick so much ass that you CANNOT miss it. Bring a case of whoop ass to the party cuz Tom will smack you if you don't!
That concludes this Rblords update, stay posted for furture updates, cuz there will be some.... promise!
Have a good week and enjoy.............Toodles!
|Jul 28, 2001|
So this isn't a full update, but I am doing my best. :(
First off, my power supply is cooked, so consequently I cannot access my really really good files. I am making this update at Spitfires house.
He left his door open, and I let myself in.
So what is new? YC is fast. His Chevelle is even faster, running a stunning 12.7 at the track on Friday. He took my for a ride, and it was really exciting.
Especially because he is cute. Hahaha, kidding, I am not gay. But my friend, Marty, is, and he says Chris is cute, so I am taking his word for it. YC4 KING!
I spotted Deana (?) in the train yard today. She was running across the 108 and I waved at her as I drove by. She waved back. I also saw the American Badger today at
the Saskatoon Zoo and Forestry Farm. I went there today with Fredish and Graeme, and we had a picnic. That was nice. It made me happy :)
This week in Hague, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will be playing at the Hague Amphitheater. Seating is limited, so make sure you get tickets now. On Wednesday,
there will be dinner with Tom Petty, at the Hague Coca-Cola Diner. Fans will be able to eat hamburgers with Tom Petty, and there will be photo opportunities. Thursday Afternoon, before the concert, fans will have a chance to visit with Tom more personally. For five dollars, fans can have Tom Petty ride with them in their truck so they can take him to see their farm. All proceeds go to the Hague Center for Narcolepsy.
If any one has seen my wife would you tell her that I miss her and that I am sorry?
I suppose this update would not be complete without a Heather Poem, so here it is:
Heather and Eli Shag Shag Shag
Giggle Giggle Full Contact Tag
What the Hell Does Jason Think he's Doing?
HEY OWEN, NICE FUCKING HAIR!
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